The Hurt Continues

In how many ways can a woman hurt a man? I can't answer that, but I believe my ex-wife intentional or not is doing one hell of a job trying to answer that question.

My 3 year old son has been suffering from seizures since March of this year. He has been hospitalized several times for having them in spurts. One time his mom dropped him off in Michigan with relatives and he had (4) seizures in the matter of hours. They had to transport him by ambulance from Michigan back to Illinois to see his own doctor. I hated her for doing such a irresponsible thing amongst others.

Today I was supposed to get my boy and have him for an extended amount of time. His mom called about an hour ago to tell me he wasn't at the sitters house. She said he is currently at home because they just got back from the hospital. She stated that he had a seizure at 2 a.m. Tuesday morning at home. Then he had another at 3 a.m. at the hospital. The ambulance came to her home to pick them up and he was taken to Ingalls hospital. He was then transferred to Christ where he was there for more than 24 hours. My boy was in the hospital for more than 24 damn hours and I didn't even get a call. Here is where I will insert her excuse:

"I left my phone at home. I don't know anybody's number."

As usual its a dumb ass reason for not doing the sensible thing. I'm not even about to go into the details of this or even try to make sense of it. I know better. I spent over 10 years trying to do so and have failed miserably each time. I really wish I had someone to tell me that she was a fucking idiot in the beginning when all the problems were there. I wish there was someone there to tell me I was a fucking idiot to keep dealing with her. Maybe then I wouldn't be dealing with all this mess now. I would have listened to someone. I really wish my mom was around...

Do you know what its like knowing your child was in trouble and you weren't there? Its a horrible feeling. Your kid needed you and you weren't there to hold them and protect them. I know its not my fault but that doesn't change the circumstances. I wasn't there! It hurts like hell.