What I gotta do

Another 6pm Sunday evening passes. Its another chance for me to see the sad face of my little boy as  I drop him off to his mom. Twice per month I experience this. He is excited all weekend playing games with me, singing, teaching me words and songs in both Spanish and Mandarin. He tells me about school and often tells me how much he loves me. Hugs, kisses, wrestling, and stories. All the time we talk about how much we are best buddies.

It hurts each time I drop him off. Luckily for me I am experienced in this situation. I went through those emotions many times before with my twins. Starting in 2001 I had my babies for 4-5 months out of the year. It was really hard getting attached being the single dad. Babysitters, buses, strollers, pampers, and milk. I see you single moms. On top of all that I had to drive 6 and sometimes 12 hours round trip to get them and drop them off. hearing those little people cry and scream while daddy walked away sucked big time.

Last year I was laid off work, got divorced, left my apartment to help fam and save cash. None in any particular order.  It was a tough year financially for most Americans. I exhausted my savings sending money for child support. In the midst of the rough year I found love and a great foundation to build a strong family.

I am preparing to make some major moves in my life. I am feeling great and extremely confident that everything will work out for the best. I get my inspiration and motivation from my family to be the best man and father I can be for them. Macy Gray has a song called "What I Gotta Do" that I think I will keep in rotation forever.

Girl a boy and a girl,
Never thought I'd have babies,
Looking up to me,
Wanna give them all the world,
Yeah, trying to make it, always gone,
You say, mommy don't go, ooh ooh,
And I don't wanna leave, uh uh (I don't wanna leave).

It's what I gotta do,
There's no place that I'd rather be than there with you,
It's what I gotta do to take care of you,
Make it right, ooh (make it right, make it right)
And I never make it,
But I have to hope you understand the circumstances,
I'll be there the second I get the chance,
What I gotta do.

Yeah, only you can rely,
Wanna give you the best of everything,
So I miss some things,
But you're always on my mind (always on my mind)
Yeah, I'm gonna show you the world,
But it ain't easy, ooh ooh,
But I don't wanna leave you (I don't wanna leave).

It's what I gotta do,
There's no place that I'd rather be than there with you,
It's what I gotta do to take care of you, (oh yeah)
Make it right, ooh (make it right, make it right)
And I never make it,
But I have to hope you understand the circumstances,
I'll be there the second I get the chance, (I'll be there)
What I gotta do.

Stars are in your eyes,
The sun is in your flower,
Easy to my churches,
You show me what my purpose is,
Girl, a boy, and a girl,
Sweetest in my world (sweetest in my world)
Hey hey, hey hey heyyyaaah.

It's what I gotta,
It's what I gotta,
It's what I gotta take, oooh.

It's what I gotta do,
There's no place that I'd rather be than there with you,
It's what I gotta do to take care of you, (a girl, a boy, and a girl)
Make it right, ooh (make it right, make it right)
And I never make it,
But I have to hope you understand the circumstances,
I'll be there the second I get the chance,
What I gotta do.
What I gotta do.
What I gotta do.
What I gotta do

I have been a stand-up man when it has come to my children. I never have shown favoritism to any and at the same time given them their own attention from dad. I give all the love I can, all the time. Nothing is more important to me. I have been on my grind with my kids since day one. So when I am questioned about my devotion to my children, naturally that lights a fire within and the beast is ready to emerge. DO NOT EVER question if I have their best interest in mind!! I think about them daily almost hourly. Get a fucking life people!