What Does A Man Do?

"A man provides for his family"

"When you have children, you always have family. They will always be your priority, your responsibility. And a man, a man provides. And he does it even when he's not appreciated or respected or even loved. He simply bears up and he does it. Because he's a man." ~Gus Fring - Breaking Bad

Mother's Day Self Therapy

I have a lot of anger in me. Well I shouldn't say anger. Its more like a lot of sadness. Because I lost my mother at a young age and my father is worthless, I had to be strong for my brother and I. I learned to quickly insulate my feelings with a hardened and bitter outer core. From there I have been able to function normally throughout my life. Normal until my long oppressed feelings try to make their way out. I have learned to survive. Do what I need to do just to get by. Do what I need to do succeed. But throughout I felt like there is something missing. Perhaps its my life without my mom. I struggle with my children. I want to show them the world and all its wonders. But at the same time, I want them to be independent. I need for them to learn to survive. Perhaps I want them to learn how to move along in life without their parents. I am hardened from decades of insulated feelings and enhancing my survival skill. So hardened that it takes tons of pain just to squeeze a tear out of me.

So I know the problem. I've tried so many things to compensate. I have my daughter that reminds me of her, I've married a woman that reminds me of her, I've tatted her name on my arm to keep her on my mind. All in hope that they will rid me of the demon that torments me. I've tried everything I can think of but come to grip with her passing. I feel like I was robbed. I get angry if someone take anything from me no matter how insignificant. In a strange way, I want to be happy but at the same time I want the pain. Like its my cross to carry. I keep the pain near to try and save my children from the pain i've endured. Its not fair to them. But I don't know of any other way to be. I don't know how to solve the riddle besides moving about like i'm ok or seeing her on the other side. Its my cross to carry. Fuck it. Its not my time to go so I gotta carry on.

Strong Black Man (Poem by Jermon Hawk)

“A Strong Black Man”

I’m a man, “A Strong Black Man” that is. And so I proceed to say that my words are perceived through society eyes as a perception of an unjust child that wasn’t born into sin, but from the choices I shall make in life will be judged as an unjust judgment because I am the seed of a NIGGA! But from a boy to a man I still stand with my head held high , my eyes steady glowing with the aroma of confidence seeping through the chimney of the roof, and you shall see my destiny because in me is the living proof of “A Strong Black Man.”

That holds the hand of “A Strong Black Woman”, in which I truly adore, need I say more. The facts I speak will be ignored, and a woman of impure color bounded by the laws of race, to society she is still nothing but a whore. Reverse the role, politics ain’t nothing but legalized prostitution from the distribution of athletes, countries, weapons, and even currency that gains its own contribution! So society puts a veil over our eyes, and we walk in darkness, full of confusion, with a mind that’s delusion, and they use the world for and illusion!

But I’m “A Strong Black Man” and I see the world in color for what it really is so that the next generation, want grow up like this generation of kids, regretting all the things they did. Because life waits for no man, but a man will take a life, but God gives life so in a sense we are taking from God! But through it all, society will leave you emotionally scarred, trust me I know! Because I’m a man that’s bounded by shackles at a fork in the road, and not knowing which way to go! So I look up to the sky and ask God for advice, to guide my life as I close my eyes and listen as the wind blows. It says, “In order for me to break the chains, I must keep moving straight ahead, split the fork in half, and aim for the horizon instead! So with every string of hair on my head! that I will do, because I am the living proof of

“A STRONG BLACK MAN!”

-Jermon Hawk Strong Black Man