I know this is a very touchy subject to a lot of people, especially men. Hell, its a touchy to me. But I need to write about it. I'm not trying to say whose wrong or right even though I hate the system. I'm on the kids side.So I'm paying two child support...yes I said (2). And I guarantee that at least 75% of the people that hear of multiple child support cases assume deadbeat father. If you assume that of me then read all my blog posts and leave a comment. I will be happy to converse with you.
I think the system is part of the problem. Now don't get me wrong, the biggest problem is the dead beat fathers out there. Men making these babies and not taking care of them. That's the origin of the problem right there. Next in line are the young women that don't know what to look for in a man (because they didn't have a father to look up to) and can't wait to have a baby with him. Young as hell and ready to play house. Those two put together creates a child that more than likely grows up in a broken household with an increased chance to repeat the cycle.
So where does the system comes in? The child support system, just like other government agencies treats people like a number. Both parents are equally responsible for raising a child. So why is it assumed that the child is automatically best living with mom? Why is the visitation reduced when an active father makes that request? And to get more time he has to petition mom? Why is it that the father has to be damn near homeless to take support his kid(s) and mom seems to make a come-up? You know shit like that. Its true... Its cheaper to keep her. There are many more instances like this.
Of course I know there are women out there who will flip after reading this. We all know your side of the story. Your baby daddy is/was no good, didn't take care of his kids (the way you wanted to or the way he should have). He didn't support them as he should. He don't see them as he should. etc... This is strictly from a male point of view. A responsible father's point of view. We are up against a system designed to punish the dead-beats while the mothers snicker and grin. We are in the middle of irresponsible bullshit and always get the worst of it. Perfect example is that I established my first support order so that nobody could ever say I was a dead-beat. I was quickly treated as such as soon as mom decided to give her sob story. I didn't want to be with her because of her ways so of course I had to pay. I was treated like a person who abandoned his family when there never was a family to begin with.
I could bitch and moan for days and it wouldn't solve anything. I mentioned in an earlier blog that I stand on my word and I did by doing what I had to do regardless of the system or any other opposition. Sometimes I wish that those who are so strict against all responsible men who are and are trying to paying child support could walk in our shoes for a day and see what they have to go up against. Judges listening to the struggling mom and not even looking our direction. Damn near 50% of our pay going toward child support and mom is making at least 20k more in her base salary then dad is.
I think each case should be looked at by at least two people. Not one judge that might be having a bad day or pissed by some other dead-beat whose case came up before yours. I think this panel should look deeply into both parties finances and not just sort through some false numbers thrown together by individuals and attorneys with a ruling made in 15 minutes. These are people's lives they are dealing with and handing out 18, 20, and even 22 year sentences in the matter of minutes. Most importantly it should truly be about the children. Kids need to be around dad more than 4-6 days per month without having to petition a court or mom. Especially when they have been part of that child(ren) lives. Joint custody should be the standard unless one of the parents aren't worthy. Fathers deserve more respect!
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