Father...

...A son's first hero, A daughter's first love. I couldn't have said it any better.

Over the past few months I've been reminded of this many times over. My kids look up to me for so many things. Not just gifts but the love, attention, discipline, and security that I provide.

I love them not just as a father but as a daddy should. I still feel the butterflies when they call me daddy. Can you believe I never called anyone daddy? For as long as I can remember I never said it out loud. Until recently, and when I did say it-it sounded weird coming out of my mouth. To hear my kids call me daddy is a wonderful feeling. I tell my Big Head, Princess, and Buddy I love them all they time and kiss the boys even though I know they don't like it. Avery wipes it off. LOL

The attention that I provide is constant when they are with me. Now I do have my moments when they are distracted. I try to step away just to refocus and figure out what time it is. lol They track me down quickly to break all that up. But when they want my attention it's theirs. As long as they are respectful!

That is where discipline comes in. They know that I have expectations from each and every one of them. They are to respect others as well as respect themselves. They are to try their best at whatever they do. School most importantly. (And the twins are on the principal's list...JOY! :-)) And I try to teach them patience. It has taken me years, on my own to learn patience. It was a struggle and I fight with it at times but it has paid off tremendously. There will be no if, ands, nor buts to it. I can see that my kids respect that and obey. I am proud!

I will protect my children fiercely! Keep them secure at all costs. I'm sure they have seen bits and pieces of my attitude when I come at others that has done them wrong. I DON'T PLAY!!! Please don't try me. Unless you want to see me in beast mode which I highly recommend you stay away.

At times I forget how much they rely on me and how much I need them. But they are constant reminders. Reminders that I need to stay on my square with them. I have to remain focused and keep it going. Several years ago I believed that all I had to do was wait out the 18years then I would be done. But with more experience and maturity I am learning that my support will never end. And to be honest I'm not at all upset by it. :-)

I am my boy's first hero! They want to be just like me. I am my daughter's first love. She will find a spouse... (in the far distant future) that have the same qualities as her first love. Its amazing the impact that I have on them. How much they take from me and apply to their own lives. Simply amazing!

Introducing The Kid(s)

He’s just not that into you. We know the truth hurts, but this is definitely a reason some guys don’t introduce a woman to his kids. Maybe enough time has passed that he knows you well enough, but he doesn’t think he’s in it for the long-haul with you. He’s not convinced that you’re The One.

http://coparenting101.org/2009/06/30/co-parenting-and-dating-why-he-wont-introduce-you-to-his-kids/

"When will I meet your kid(s)?!?!" This has been a big question asked of me for some time now during random dates I've been on. And the same answer applied to all that asked. I'm just not that into you. Its kind of a harsh thing to say. And for the record I never said it... just thought it. I always had to come up with a clever way to tell women "I don't think I'm that into you just yet for me to introduce you to my children."

Well it has been almost 2 years since I separated from my ex-wife and almost 6 months since the divorce has been finalized. I have been on what seems to have been countless dates. After all that today I introduced my youngest to my love.

It went much better than I anticipated. My boy tends to shy away from people he don't know. Well he gives them the cold shoulder! I had to warn her that it may take him up to 30 minutes to warm up and speak. So she was well prepared. All three of us got together over breakfast this morning. I couldn't believe it! He was shy for about 5 minutes and the rest of our breakfast went very well.

"I had a great time. He is so cute and too funny!" That was a text sent by my love and when read aloud was like music to my ears. I always said that whoever I choose she would have to be able to enjoy my kids. And they would have to be comfortable with her. He told her one of his knock knock jokes, played blow the crayons back and forth, and even gave her a high five after breakfast! That's way more interaction than most family could get out of him after a full day.

I noticed something special about my love when we first met. Some sort of comforting, loving feeling. And even now she fails to disappoint. Maybe my boy is sensing the same things I was. Nevertheless, she has opened yet another door to my heart. My little boy likes her. :-)

Best Father You Can Imagine! R.I.P. MJ

I couldn't imagine my baby crying over me not being there anymore. Fathers, watch this touching video and take time to think about what your children mean to you. I love you Makayla, Montrel, Avery.

The Hurt Continues

In how many ways can a woman hurt a man? I can't answer that, but I believe my ex-wife intentional or not is doing one hell of a job trying to answer that question.

My 3 year old son has been suffering from seizures since March of this year. He has been hospitalized several times for having them in spurts. One time his mom dropped him off in Michigan with relatives and he had (4) seizures in the matter of hours. They had to transport him by ambulance from Michigan back to Illinois to see his own doctor. I hated her for doing such a irresponsible thing amongst others.

Today I was supposed to get my boy and have him for an extended amount of time. His mom called about an hour ago to tell me he wasn't at the sitters house. She said he is currently at home because they just got back from the hospital. She stated that he had a seizure at 2 a.m. Tuesday morning at home. Then he had another at 3 a.m. at the hospital. The ambulance came to her home to pick them up and he was taken to Ingalls hospital. He was then transferred to Christ where he was there for more than 24 hours. My boy was in the hospital for more than 24 damn hours and I didn't even get a call. Here is where I will insert her excuse:

"I left my phone at home. I don't know anybody's number."

As usual its a dumb ass reason for not doing the sensible thing. I'm not even about to go into the details of this or even try to make sense of it. I know better. I spent over 10 years trying to do so and have failed miserably each time. I really wish I had someone to tell me that she was a fucking idiot in the beginning when all the problems were there. I wish there was someone there to tell me I was a fucking idiot to keep dealing with her. Maybe then I wouldn't be dealing with all this mess now. I would have listened to someone. I really wish my mom was around...

Do you know what its like knowing your child was in trouble and you weren't there? Its a horrible feeling. Your kid needed you and you weren't there to hold them and protect them. I know its not my fault but that doesn't change the circumstances. I wasn't there! It hurts like hell.