7,886

That's seven thousand eight hundred eighty-six.  I'm not talking about money. Although I wish I had that cash on me. Seven thousand eight hundred eighty-six stands for the number of days I have been trying to find a substitute for my mom.

I went to the show (Chicago slang for movies) tonight and saw "The Blind Side." It is a movie about a young African American male in Memphis who was always trying to get back to his mother. He eventually found the love he needed from a white mother and family. Much like the movie "Antwone Fischer" Antwone had to search for his mother. He needed to feel the love that he couldn't get from his mom and eventually received from his paternal family.

I lost my mom before my 12th birthday. I loved her dearly and would fight fiercely to protect her. I never wanted to leave her side. The time that I did I still regret till this day.

I have been searching for years looking for a substitute for the love and affection that mom provided. I've tried family, friends, clothes, cars, my career, other people mothers and even prayer. Although building my relationship with God has been the best thing that I could have ever done, I still yearned for my mothers love.

I watched "The Blind Side" and said to myself "I miss my mom." She meant the world to me. Often times I wonder what my life would be like if she was still here. I learned early on that everyone isn't meant to be there for a lifetime. I've learned years ago that nobody could ever replace her. I also realized that I will see her again once its my time to leave. I have all the faith in the world that this is not the end. My mom still looks over me. I love her for continuing to do so. In the meantime I am enjoying my life, enjoying my children, and my soon to be wife. This doesn't mean that I have to stop looking for a bit of my mom everywhere I go. The only difference now is that I greet each day as another opportunity to try. I'm looking forward to day seven thousand eight hundred eighty-seven.